STOP THE INSANITY!!!

I never thought I'd see the day where I not only reference the once popular infomercial mistress, Susan Powter, but also long for a day where any person is willing to forgo joining the masses and consider the meaning of those words.  Well, today is the day I consider those words and step outside the comfort of my keyboard anonymity and share my heart.  Yes, I'm the ever hated white male that apparently has no idea about how life should work.  Yes, I'm a Bible believing and gun toting supporting individual that apparently isn't in touch with how outdated my beliefs are.  Lastly, I am one of just under 600,000 people calling Wyoming home, where somehow the rest of America thinks we still lack electricity and move around town in a horse and buggy (oddly enough the latter of the two still does happen during certain parts of the year).  So please, if you're reading this, I hope you keep an open mind knowing this evil man's thoughts are shared with a heavy heart and not one word is typed without thought and prayer.

First, the country I grew up knowing is no longer what I see.  Yes, I saw division.  I saw hardships endured by many that weren't fair.  Yes, I saw a community torn between races.  No, I never really experienced the hurt that these items I saw created in friends, classmates and those I worked with.  Yet what they went through is nothing that compares to what is happening today.

Yes, the unjust murders of Ahmaud Arbery and George Floyd are more than tragic.  They are appalling.  I can't find a means to even think there is justification for their murders.  How could anyone actually find an excuse for the actions of police and former law workers?  I have no answers for that question.  Nor can I find an answer for why the justice system failed them in the immediate aftermath of their murders.  I'm sick just thinking about this.

Sadly, the following words are where I know I'm going to lose many of you.  Those I lose will probably even tell me that my whiteness proves I have no compassion for anyone and will never understand the purpose of a protest.  I'll agree, you might be right.  But again I ask you at least hear me out.

What could justify arson, theft and assault as a means to protest the inexcusable murders of black men?  What is being accomplished to the betterment of race relations by burning down the minority owners business?  Is stealing a new TV healing wounds or creating a greater chasm? Is this a protest or a chance to exercise complete anarchy?  Are those rioting doing so in memory of these two men?  Or have the rioters and looters moved past the point of honoring and seen a chance to commit crimes because the can?  Again, there is no easy answer, if one at all.  This too is making me sick.

Here is what is making more sick: news sources that are presumably reliable telling me that the riots are a normal response; a president that seems to be unable to stop himself from posting on Twitter; politicians blaming others for creating the race and financial divide; christians being arrogant enough to say that, "it wouldn't happen if we just trust Jesus more (or something to that line).

Do I believe that there are some hard working journalists that are trying to present facts?  Yes, but not as many doing so as often as once was.  Do I believe the president needs to be on Twitter so much?  Nope, but I also believe he's doing so for more than just spewing whatever is on his mind.  When politicians are continually blaming others for the ills of the laws this country has, do I think the finger pointing is a way to get me to support them?  Nope, no and not at all.  I believe that if they stopped pointing fingers and honestly made an effort that things might have an opportunity to change (more than just DC, but also right where you and I live).  Do I believe that a faith in and a relationship with Christ is needed in my life?  Considering my opening paragraph that is an easy answer.  BUT!!!  I do not believe that a simple cookie cutter statement will solve anything for those that believe differently that I do.

Tell me then, how do we heal the hurt this is going through?  I will never understand the possibility of not being able to take a jog without getting shot, or having a grown mans full weight on my neck cutting off my source of air.  I can empathize with those emotions.  I can empathize with their families as they walk through the loss of their loved ones.  If I can't relate, then tell me how I can help.  Where can I make a difference?

Don't tell me that the riots, arson and thievery is similar to the Tea Party when those protesters didn't physically injure the law enforcement of the day.  You won't convince me Dr. Martin Luther King would support these forms of protest when he preached against violence of any means while he too was violently murdered.  Don't tell me a part of history means something in support of your argument/explanation when you conveniently ignore that part where Rosa Parks protested without violence.  Don't tell me condemning the "protests" is demeaning the death of two black men especially when I told you earlier it is making me sick.  Again I ask, what do we do to help change the current state of affairs?

Here's my suggestions.  I'm a person, blood flowing through my body just as yours does.  My pigment might be a little lighter than yours, but it's still a pigment; I can't change what you or I look like.  Let's treat each other like people.  Let's shake hands when we see each other.  Let's have civil conversations about our differences to hopefully find some similarities.  Let's not burn down others properties as a means of retribution - you're only hurting someone else while not getting what you seek in justice.  Instead of blaming others for our actions, shouldn't we accept responsibility?  I have a free will to decide how to respond as do you.  The tragic deaths of two does not mean I have no other choice than destroy things.  No!!!  I actually have the choice to peacefully protest brutality and unnecessary force.

I know I'm missing solutions.  I know that as one of the most vilified individuals in America right now my words will fall on deaf ears.  I'll also be told how ignorant my privileged self is because I don't know how to walk in the minority persons shoes (again, see above).  But I'd like to think that my desire to see healing is something we all should want.  I'd be remiss to think the healing won't hurt no matter how desperate we need it.  Most importantly, don't tell me how wrong I am in these words when you only want to tell me about my ignorance and wrongness instead of contributing a possible solution.  You do that, and you only prove that you are a part of the problem.

Please, let's work together for change.  Let's work together to use more than conversation as a means to vent.  Please, see me as a person that passionately cares about you and your family as I will work to believe the same of you.  We need to raise our expectations of ourselves to help heal as opposed to just accepting life as we see it.  Are you up to the challenge of making yourself better?  I'll work on myself and hope you'll work with me in improving each other.


For a little fun, give this classic from Billy Joel a listen.  He might have been on to something when he wrote it.  Pretty sure he could add a few more lines today.

Time to, "Stop The Insanity!"

There Is No Stupid Question

Life is a beautiful thing.  It can also be ugly, funny, horrific and about any other descriptive word you can think of.  Usually, all those things will describe your life.  Or my life.  Each moment in life is broken into moments where we see things in those moments.  One minute we can be on top of Mount Rainier, overlooking the beautiful sights of Western Washington.  The next minute we can be trying to find the rip cord as we free fall towards earth.  We may be rejoicing at the birth of our 5th child, or mourning the loss of a loved one.  Each moment, distinct in our perception of how life is and how we walk through those stages.  They make us.  They break us.  We are today because of those yesterdays.

How do we handle those yesterday's?  When do we heal?  How do we heal?  Do we ever, "get over," each of these moments?  How do we, "move on," when heartbreak hits?  How can someone celebrate life when they are going through cancer treatment?  So many questions that all pertain to living each day when  the hits, the punches, the falls, the get back ups and the victories are everywhere around you.  We ask the, "what if's," and the, "did this just happen's," constantly.  Like the Energizer Bunny, the questions seem to never end.

All of us deal with these questions and answers differently.  Me, I don't have the answers to many, if any of these questions.  And the answers I might have are different for everyone.  And your answers might help me out, but not your neighbor.  I don't get it.  I would love it if there were a simple answer for all of life's crazy.  But, I'd also get really bored if every one of your life's questions were the same as my life questions.

But, there is one thing I know.  One thing I've had to explain to some of my Uber riders that I'll share here.  Ask.  Ask me how I handle things.  Ask how you should look at things.  Ask how your brother has survived his loss of his wife to the auto accident.  Ask how your sister has lived with gestational diabetes.  Ask your best friend what it's like to retire from the military and how hard it's been to get a job in the civilian world.  Ask your aunt how they have kept a smile on their face when your cousin continues getting arrested.  Just ask.

For me, you asking about my cancer, the effects it had on me, might still have on me and what it will look like in 10 years is therapeutic.  It helps me focus on the blessings I have in life; the thankfulness of seeing each day on what is borrowed time.  Ask about the scars of self imposed failure during the battles of cancer.  Ask.

I pray we learn to ask.  It shows others we care.  It brings an inexplicable healing to you and I.  We'll start building each other up.  It will allow us to have personal exchanges that our phones aren't letting us have anymore.  It will take away the Instagram likes and replace them with high fives/fist bumps/hugs/smiles.  It could change your world.

Ask.  It's not stupid.  Just ask.

Remember The Ass

Nobody likes rhetorical questions.  Unfortunately, sometimes that is the only way to make a point.  So, I'm gonna ask a rhetorical question.  May I talk to y'all for a few minutes?  Good.  And, may I recommend some popcorn, 'cause things 'bout to get good.

Kanye has stirred up a lot of discussions about a lot of things.  Is he a Christian?  Is he Born Again?  Is it just a money grab?  But what about his past, he called himself...  Okay, can't comment on any of those questions.  I won't comment on what I know nothing of.  Mine isn't to determine his heart.  Mine isn't to determine intentions.  Or honesty/sincerity.  I don't know the man or his family.  I don't know where he has been and what he has seen in his life.  So this post isn't about any of this.

This post is for everyone that has had comments questioning Kanye.  It's for all of you that think his actions are fake.  For those that believe it's just a money grab.  It's for those of you who are speaking in, "righteous judgement," of all Kanye discussions.  Also for those that are using the power of your inner keyboard warrior that just want to chip in with your expertise and knowledge of all things Kanye related simply because you find that your words are the only words that matter as if you are the only one with direct communication with God himself.  (***WARNING: If any of these descriptions give you a complex or a guilty feeling, this post is for you.  You WILL BE OFFENDED!***)

Many years ago I discovered a great skit with Bob Newhart playing a psychiatrist.  He provided simple yet a very easy to understand method to follow for his clients.  So simple it was only two words: STOP IT!  Yup, two words.  He wasted no time providing much needed guidance.  Sure, his clients were confused and frustrated they couldn't get any other advice, or share any more of their problems before they were offered these words.

In the great words of Bob, here's my words to:
The person that says Kanye isn't saved.  STOP IT!
The person stating it's a money grab.  STOP IT!
Those that think he shouldn't have gone to Joel Osteen's church.  STOP IT!
Those that think he's a wolf in sheep's clothing.  STOP IT!!!
Anybody speaking ill of anything and everything this man does.  STOP IT!!!

Need any explanation of those words?  Confused about either of them?  Good.  So just do everyone a simple favor.  STOP. IT.

Again, this is NOT me talking about Kanye.  I don't know him, don't find his actions pure or impure.  Genuine or not.  NOTHING about this post is a form of support or lack of for Kanye.  Nope!  Yes, duplicating these statements because I'm sure some of you a certain I support him and know that I'm deceived along with the rest of those welcoming him to the faith.

Let me be clear my dear friends.  You christian that is using your justified righteous anger when you discuss Kanye.  Do you not remember that God used the following to prove a point, win lives, convince people to do as he asked?

An ass
A whale
A tax collector
A prostitute
Wine
A star

That's just a short list.  Need more reminders on what God does?  How about these?

John 3:17 - God did not send his son to judge the world but to save it.
Hebrews 11:6 - And it is impossible to please God without faith.  Anyone who wants to come to him must believe that God exists and that he rewards those who sincerely seek him.
Luke 19:10 - For the Son of Man came to seek and save those who are lost.
Luke 11:10 - For everyone who asks receives.  Everyone who seeks, finds.  And to everyone who knocks the door will be opened.
Hebrews 5:11-12 - There is much more we would like to say about this, but it is difficult to explain, especially since you are spiritually dull and don't seem to listen.  You have been believers so long now that you ought to be teaching others.  Instead, you need someone to teach you again in the basic things about God's word.  you are like babies who need milk and cannot eat solid food.
Matthew 7:3 - Why worry about a speck in your friend's eye when you have a log in your own?

I could go on.  But, I won't.

See, christians forget that Christ became sin so we would not.  He died so we could live.  He told the thief on the cross next to him that he would not be forgotten and would see him at the right hand of God.  We forget that David committed adultery and killed another man to commit said adultery.  But, we still know that David was a man after God's own heart.  Committing sin seems like a strange way to pursue God, but we all sin, just like David.  We forget that Saul persecuted Christians before he became Paul.

Here's my point.  God can and will use whatever he desires to bring glory to his name.  Luke 19:40 warns us that the rocks will cry out.  Kanye is crying out.  He is teaching.  His name alone is bringing people to churches that would never set foot in a church if not for Kanye.  Can you convince me that I have a chance to speak to the masses like he is?  Are you able to convince me that you can put out an album that everyone talks about?  No?  Anyone?  Oh wait, that's right.  You don't own 2 ranches in Wyoming, or a shoe line, or married to the porn star, or have recently announced you're running for president in 2024.  See, the very fact he's doing something to get people into a church, listen to a gospel album or simply talking about God, he's doing something so many of us christians aren't.  Shame on us!!!  And good on him.

Instead of flinging poo at Kanye, shouldn't we be praying for him?  Shouldn't we be excited that people are beginning to believe when they once didn't?  Shouldn't we be getting a little uncomfortable and joining Kanye in sharing what God has done in our lives with others?  Shouldn't we all just, STOP IT?

Remember, sooner or later the ass is gonna talk to all of us.  Or will you be running to Nineveh when God says go?

Bite Your Tongue and Clean Your House

"Are you the one that's come to set me free?

'Cause if you knew who I am, would you really want to die for me?

They say you are the cursed man, the one who hangs from this tree

I know this is the one and only son of God but tell me, who the fuck is he?

So tell me!"

These lyrics had you.  You were invested.  You knew the singer was talking to someone about Christ hanging on the cross.  But then you read that one word.  That single word will forever trip you up.  And any band using that kind of word certainly isn't a band you need to listen to.  Any, "good christian," won't listen to music with that word in it.

"I throw caution to the wind and suck your sweet poison,

Your body's everything, your body's everything.

As I trip on my desire I dive into your fire,

Your body's everything, your body's everything."

Then there's this song.  It seems like a pretty suggestive song.  I mean, what kind of band would sing such a sexually charged song?  No way any, "good christian," should listen to this song!  Obviously this singer is having an affair.

"What have I become, now that I've betrayed
Everyone I've ever loved, I pushed them all away
And I have been a slave to the Judas in my mind
Is there something left for me to save
In the wreckage of my life, my life..."

There it is!!!  A biblical reference without cursing or suggestive lyrics.  This band has it down, biblical reference, clean lyrics and admitting they have failed, questioning if they can be saved.  Finally, I gave you lyrics that any, "good christian," band should have.

So tell me, which of those three bands would you listen to?  You and your desire for perfection in lyrics and messages in the lyrics, what band of the three above would you support and listen to?  Choose wisely, you never know what you are claiming to support if you don't consider everything.  Also, no cheating by typing in lyrics for Google to help you.

Decide yet?  Here, let me give you a couple clues.  Two of the songs were on albums banned by christian bookstores because of the perceived offenses of the songs.  One of the songs never made it to a christian bookstore because the band isn't a christian band.  Two of the bands have toured the world and played some of the largest venues and arenas in Russia, Germany, Mexico and the US.  The other band plays bars, houses, churches or anywhere they can get work.  Now, which of these songs is the best song to determine which band is the, "good christian band?"

Exactly!!!  You can't tell just off the lyrics.  The first song is from P.O.D. and is called, "I Am."  Yes, the very P.O.D. whose lead singer helped found the Whosoever movement.  The very band that isn't afraid to share their faith with people.  The second song is "Everything" from The Classic Crime.  They are a band with a collection of believers and non believers.  They just play music.  But, their lead singer writes from his christian world view.  The song was written as a love song to his wife.  Two great songs, both songs that christian retailers were afraid to put on shelves because they felt the songs would offend people. 

That last song is from Fozzy and is appropriately named "Judas."  Never heard of Fozzy?  Yeah, not a christian band.  Their lead singer is the popular wrestler, Chris Jericho. 

What's my point here?  I don't know.  Actually, I'm not certain I can fully explain my point.  At least not without offending the masses.  Sure, I know the bible talks about the tongue and how it can spark a flame, cause a wild fire or is a restless evil filled with poison (James 3:1-12).  Also, I know that Psalm has many verses about the tongue and the mouth uttering wisdom (Psalm 37:29-31) or David's plea to keep his tongue from sin (Psalm 39:1-3).  BUT!!!  I just can't find where the Bible says, "Don't swear."  I'm also a firm believer that ones language is up to the person.  If you don't have a problem with language, speak as you desire.  It's between you and God.  And, I'm also a believer that if my language causes someone to struggle, then I probably shouldn't talk a certain way around them when it is offending them.  Finally, if you get offended at someone who speaks a way you don't condone, then maybe you should avoid the things they do, lessons they provide, etc.  Just remember, you can't hold everyone up (or anyone up) to your standards when they may not believe like you do.

Basically, what I'm saying is, if you demand your, "christian music," to be clean, free of foul language, not sexually suggestive or other, and only provides uplifting lyrics, then you might be sorely disappointed to learn that Steven Curtis Chapman wrote a full album of love songs to his wife; you might be disappointed when you realize Skillet talks about suicide frequently; your perception that TFK keeps things simple is wrong considering they wrote a song about divorce.  See, when parts of the Bible are graphic enough to receive "R" or "NC-17" ratings in a movie theater, then you should expect bands and christians to get the same ratings when they sing or talk. 

If you want to reach the lost, you gotta go to where the lost is you need to go where the lost is.  You need to talk their language and sometimes, that means getting dirty.  And when christians struggle and are willing to admit it, then let's get dirty with them; let's struggle with them.  Condemning only hurts.  Let's heal.  Let's restore.  Let's love.

Value in Yourself and Others

What are you worth?  A question many of us ask.  Especially the small business owner.  From assessing the value of time to how much the cost of material costs.  Did something need shipped or did they buy supplies at retail as opposed to wholesale?  Every little detail analyzed with a value determined.  A process with a never ending cycle.  But, this isn't about the small business owner.  It's about us as people.  It's about the people I work with, the many people I shuttle around as an Uber driver, about myself, my family.  It's about you, the reader.

Sadly, the value of self is crippling our society.  We doubt our existence is worth it.  We question if anyone really cares about us.  We question the motives of others and if we're just being used for their selfish pleasures.  We indulge in pleasure and then question why we put ourselves in places and situations we will regret.  Our bosses over work us; our kids don't respect us; our employees think we do nothing to better the company; the thoughts running in our minds and the harsh words on social media are trapped in our heads.  We suck, we aren't worth much when we screw up; anything and everything wrong with us is magnified.

Over the past week plus the conversations I have participated in and overheard is proving this.  My own struggles are confirming and reflecting that of society.  We are sinking our own ships because we can't see/don't know our value.  Be it our value to ourselves, our families or anyone else on a very long list of others that put any value into us.  Add to this, we don't truly understand the impact we have on each other, and the value we can create in others, be it for a few minutes or a few years.

So, what are we really worth?  To our parents, when we were younger we were their world.  We had value!  For some of us, we still have that value.  Unfortunately, some of us don't know our parents anymore as we are estranged to those we thought loved us.  So much for family.

Our formidable years have us, "finding ourselves," as we study, walk halls filled with others presumably like us, or working our first jobs and most importantly fellowshipping with peers we call friends.  Suddenly, a collection of cool kids, jocks, nerds, stoners and loners complete these years by walking across a stage; somehow thinking we've succeeded and I get to hang with my friends all the time now!  Within a couple of months, so many of those friends have moved on to their next chapter in life.  Stuck between being a kid and being an adult, we found ourselves having lost everything we knew as routine and replaced it with the uncertainty of what adulthood is.  More of our self perceived value is gone, just like the routine we once had with school.

So many adults seemingly joke about not wanting to, "adult." Truth: I agree!  I don't want to adult either.  Being an adult is brutal.  From bills, full time jobs with bosses begging us to do more than is possible, spouses (or significant others), families relying on us, caring for our aging parents and so much more that adult life brings.  These responsibilities suck.  But, it also means we are of value to someone.  We are loved and needed by people.  Hopefully, we are placing that same value in people.  Finally, we have value.  Or, at least we think we do and hope our thoughts are reality.

Truth is, we do have value.  No matter how hard it is for us to get out of our own way and believe in our own value, we are worth so much more than what we believe.  We tend to not believe in our own value because we don't hear/see that value as often as we need.  What is that value though?

What would happen if we really knew how valuable we were?  What would happen if others knew how much we valued their presence in our lives?  How different would your world be if you put value in both yourself and those around you?  What kind of value would you add when you show a complete stranger that you care about them because they too have value in this world?   How many marriages could survive the test of daily tribulations if we knew how much value our spouses had, and we could show them that value?  How many of our youth would stop killing themselves if they knew how much they meant to us - their parents/grandparents/teachers/friends?  However, all of these questions can't be answered until we can grasp how much value we have through the eyes of God.

As mere humans we have no ability to comprehend how much love/value God places in each of us.  I can't explain why he loves and cares about us.  I'm never gonna understand why he places so much value in me.  Or you.  What I do know is that if he cares so much about you and I (he allowed his son to die), then I should probably find ways to place a sliver of that value in people.  I need to be the one who helps others place value in themselves and those they live with.  Is it possible, that small acts of adding value into others can change the worlds we live in?

I have hope.  I tend to over analyze a lot of things.  But this; over analyzing our value (independently and corporately), is impossible.  How amazing it is knowing that someone believes in us, supports us and knows how valuable they think we are.  They know that without us their life isn't complete.  Their life would have a huge hole in it if we aren't around.  More importantly, what an amazing gift we have knowing that no matter what, no matter how alone we are/may be, despite how invaluable we feel, that there is a God and father in heaven that will do anything to show us he loves us and we are so precious and valuable to him.

So to that young lady about to go home with a random guy from the bar: you're worth more.
To the wife whose husband has left her and their kids because of a moment of fleeting fun with another woman: you're worth more.
To the young man that is about to have another one night stand: you're worth more.
To the teenager ready to hang themselves: let us hang onto the rope for you; you're worth more.
To the young adult with a bottle of prescriptions about to swallow them all: you're worth more.
To the young man with a gun to his head because no one understands how alone you are:  you are never alone; you're worth more.
To the couple that questions is the effort worth it: you're worth more together, the work will pay off.
To the pastor wondering if he is making any difference in people: you are, and you're worth more than the doubt you are gripped by currently.
To the teacher that wonders is any of your students listen: they do and you're worth more teaching them than starting over in a new career.
To the single person looking for a hook up every weekend: you're worth more, just be patient.

We all have our doubts, our fears, our questions, our loneliness and more.  But, we're worth so much more.  Can we start showing it to those we come into contact with with more urgency?  More intentional words of worth?  Will we believe that a death of his son is enough proof of the worth God has put in us?  I promise, I'm gonna work on it.  I may fail, but I'm gonna work on it.  Will you join me?


This song has brought me to tears many times over the last year.  Please, listen. 

A Broken Healing

What do you think of when you hear the word broken?  Do you hurt?  Maybe you just dropped something in the kitchen and now you have to clean it up.  Now you're frustrated.  Maybe broken brings frustration because you can't put something special back together.  As for me, broken has been a word that has many meanings and ones that not many people will associate well with.  So, pull up a seat, brace yourself for a glimpse into my over analytical head and hopefully, join me in changing our perception of the word broken.

Merriam-Webster classifies broke as an adjective.  It describes something.  Of the many definitions, I'll highlight just a couple.
   1: Violently separated into pars
   2: Damaged or altered by or as if by breaking (not working properly/violated by transgression/disrupted by change)
   3: Made weak or infirm
   4: Not complete or full
   5: Disunited by divorce, separation or desertion of one parent

Ouch!  Working in the medical field, I see a lot of broken.  Being a person I can feel and see a lot more broken than any x-ray/MRI/CT can ever see.  Specifically, I find I live that broken every day.  So do you.  You may not see it, but the broken is right in front of you.

The only time humans weren't broken was back when Adam and Eve were in the Garden of Eden.  The second Eve took a bite, and the second Adam chose to follow her lead was the last time humans were unbroken.  Today society has taken broken to a whole new level.  As I see it, every friendship has an element of brokenness.  Every marriage has a fracture.  Every job can make even the strongest person weak.  Every single one of us feels incomplete at times.  Brokenness isn't selective either.  It cares not profession, age, race or gender.  It cares not how successful one is.  It will hit you at any moment on any day.  When your brokenness hits you it'll be with a Mack truck and wave it's big middle finger at you.

In our brokenness we tend to look for comfort in something and someone.  Music, religion, friends, spouses or other things.  Previously, this has worked for many.  It's worked over the years and we can trust it will work for many more years.  BUT!!!

Today's society is so broken that not much is healing the brokenness.  Don't believe me?  Turn on the news.  What do they typically report on?  Most of the time they make you wait until they get done with the "headlines" before they get to the weather (unless it's the weather that is making your local news).  Then you have to wait until the last 7 minutes to get any sports report (again, unless it is one of the top national items that is a hot topic).  Hop on Twitter and you'll be bombarded by the brokenness politics, racial angst and more.  If you turn on your favorite radio station, chances are you'll hear about a musician gone too soon because of a drug OD or suicide.  Even Hollywood is getting caught up in the brokenness.  Their awards show have all of our favorite actors speaking out about some cause (mostly worthy causes) that are highlighting the ills of our world.  Broken!  Our world is broken.

Now for the church.  Many seek comfort in a church.  We should go there.  We should be able to find solace in a place where there is God.  When people don't find that comfort, they are broken one more time.  They lose trust in christians.  They lose hope that their brokenness will ever be healed.  I'd like to think it doesn't happen often or is just a few isolated cases.  But my eyes and ears tell me differently.  I've seen the hopeless walk into a church and be shunned because of the clothes they are wearing.  I've seen the stares piercing those with the body piercings and tattoos.  I've seen the judgement from the self appointed righteous towards those that drop an F bomb by accident because their kid broke a toy in the nursery during an outreach event.  Hey church, you're broken too.

How do we fix this broken?  I'm not an expert.  I'll never claim I have the perfect answer.  But, I believe that my perfect answer tells me to love.  I believe he tells me to forgive.  And I suck at love.  I suck at forgiving.  I am horrible at taking a deep breath and waiting 10 minutes so I don't add to someones brokenness.  But, that is what I believe the God I know is asking us to do.

Instead of heaping burning coals on the broken, why don't we take time to listen.  Instead of wondering why someone can't just move on after a loss, why don't we take the time to hear their breaking and break with them.  Instead of getting mad at someone breaking us, should we try to understand what is going on in their lives causing them to break us?  I'm fairly certain most people don't try to break others.  Sometimes, people don't know they are breaking us, especially when they are breaking themselves. 

Remember, you're broken.  It's okay to be broken.  You can be put back together.  If you're broken, then so is the person you live next to, so is your co-worker, your child, your friends and those you go to church with.  If all those people are broken, then so are your pastors, your bosses, your city leaders and your state leaders.  Yes, that means your favorite movie star, sports hero and even your national leaders are broken.  If you can be put back together, then so can they. 

My goal for me to share with you is to help restore you.  I want to see you smile again.  I want to understand what is breaking you.  It'll hurt, I know it will.  We'll probably cry.  You'll probably hate me at times.  I'll probably give you some questionable advice.  It's okay though.  It's because I'm broken too.  And you can help me heal too.  Together, we can find a way to be unbroken.

Together we can love, we can forgive, we can become so beautifully broken. 

Dr. God, Engage Kill Switch

Dear God,

The last several months have been a roller coaster of epic proportions. And as fun as that sounds, I'm kinda tired of the ride. So how about you just hit the kill switch and let everyone off.

And just like the roller coaster expectations of screaming, yelling and fear, I find myself needing to scream, yell, cuss and be angry for being on this when I don't want to be.  But, I can't.  I can't yell, I can't cuss, I can't be angry.  Instead, like the one gripped by fear on their first roller coaster, I am speechless.  Well, not speechless, but close to it.

I guess I just don't really know how to respond.  Sure I'm angry.  Yes, the words of frustration are plenty.  But, I'm thankful.  Like Job not cursing you, I'm not.  I'm thankful that I'm learning to lean on you again.  I'm thankful that my family is alive.  I'm thankful for the friends that surround my family.

I sit and wonder what's wrong with me, ya know, considering I'm not angry.  Why am I unable to scream?  Rage has been the option for many a men better than me.  Yet, here I sit, teary eyed some days, and find myself thankful.  Maybe it's because of what you've already seen me through.  Maybe it's because I'm fairly certain there is more you have for me to learn.  Whatever "it" is that keeps me from all out rage is a blessing in disguise.  Maybe it's just because I know things could be a lot worse.

So for now, God, I guess my only request is that you hit the kill switch on this roller coaster.  You know I have emetophobia and I'm pretty certain that if the ride keeps it's current pace of continuous upside down twists and turns, my wife and daughter are gonna get sick.  That won't be pretty.

Thank you, God.

Beauty of Change

"The only constant in life is change." Heraclitus

Seems like Heraclitus was a pretty smart guy.  The irony of the statement is what gets me.  The only thing that will stay the same is the very thing that is never going to stay the same.  Change!  Yes, change happens everyday, even for the most routine following person you know.

Some people do change well.  Other abhor the thought of change.  You'll find people that will take a different route to work daily just to change things up.  Or you have that one person that will maintain the same schedule, same route and same everything on their way to work just to maintain consistency.  But, the very efforts we put in to maintain that which we are comfortable with will prove we have no control over change.  Even the Khaki wearing Jim Harbaugh will not have success maintaining change (the visual in my head of Khaki's and Jim are priceless; you're welcome).  Be it a different stream of cars traveling with you on your way to work or a new policy at work, change will happen every single day.  How you respond...well...there is no App for it.  But, there is guidance.

Currently my life is a massive blender with nearly every facet of my life seeing change.  I can't keep up with it.  I'm embracing this constant merry-go-round; staring it down daily is exhaustive though.  The peaks and valleys of emotions remind me of my trip on the Sandia Peak Tramway.  I'm doing my best to embrace the changes.  I love where most of them are going.  Those I don't love, I'm still accepting.

It seems all this change is occurring at the same time.  Moving; buying/selling a house; dog getting old and being put down; professional changes; no matter the situation it keeps right on rolling along and I can't seem to get anything to stop.  But, it's change and it will just keep happening.

I'd like to think I'm handling it fairly well.  I know I'd be lying to myself it that were the case.  I might better serve everyone if I admit that at times you would think I'm at a masquerade on any given day.  Some days the stresses of everything are easy to deal with.  I laugh, I smile and rest on the knowledge that God's got this.  Then there are days I sit in silence at my desk nearing tears and a panic attack dwelling on the unknown.  I've taken everything into my own hands and knowledge as I question if God really knows what he is doing.  Yet, you still see me smiling, enjoying life and acting like all is perfect.  Well, all is mostly perfect.  Like anything in life it comes down to perspective.

Here's my problem: I have no idea why I'm nearing panic attacks.  There's no reason I'm stressing about everything.  I have no reason to not believe God has this.  Nothing is worth the stress, but I'm making panic acceptable.  Man, I hate this!

God knows!!!  He knows the hairs on my head.  He knows where the bird is gonna get his food from.  He knows when the lion is going to sleep.  Tomorrow will worry about itself, I don't need to do the worrying (Aaron interpreted version of Matthew 6:25-34).

Do me a favor, if you would please.  Next time you see me and it looks like I might be coming close to tears and a panic attack just smack me.  Seriously!!!  Yes, I said smack me.  I very well could ask you why you're hitting me; just remind me I told you to.  It's not that I don't want to be concerned about what the future is holding or how change will unfold, I just don't have justification to worry.


Now, back to the edge of my life; enjoying the change for the beauty it is bringing.

Social Media - It's Beauty and Ugliness

I began writing a post earlier today that I felt was going to serve a purpose in making a point that needed made.  As you can see, this is not that post.  No, that post was to vague.  It was written so as to not offend but state my case.  Maybe I should have kept it.  And, I may regret not keeping it.  No big deal.  Sometimes, those types of blogs aren't what needs to be said.  Nope, no words in those types of blogs will do any justice to the thoughts running through my head.  So this post is what you are stuck with.  Here is my single warning to you though - you will be offended.  You will get mad at me for saying what I have to say.  You will deem me a fool for saying these things.  You might also find even more faults in my words than you already have in previous posts.  I'm okay with that.  I'm not even gonna be surprised if you find me among the worst individuals you know.  Just know that I'm still gonna love you for being you; consider you among my many friends; know that you are just like me - a perfect picture of imperfection.

Social media can be a great tool.  You can stay abreast of the current news topics of the day.  Events you'd like to attend are blasted all over the place keeping you in the loop for social gatherings.  I learn of concerts in the area I'd like to go to.  Social media allows us to maintain contact with friends across the country.  It is a beautiful use of a tool with the simple strike of a few keys or swipes up and down on our phones.  It is how most of us feel as if we aren't being left out of life events of family.  It is beautiful indeed.  BUT!

Social media is also where people find the strength to be someone they are not.  It is the best place to misinterpret another's beliefs/words/observations/etc.  It has become the best place to get offended/insulted/chastised/etc.  More over, it has also become the best place for christians to show the world how hypocritical/hateful/self righteous we can be.  Don't believe me?  Go scroll through you Facebook/Twitter feeds.  Go to your favorite bands Facebook page and see what kind of responses they get to some of their opinions.  And as you read through these feeds I guarantee you will get offended, you will get your feelings hurt and you will find yourself falling into the trap of saying something you will regret later.

Many times I have been the recipient of tongue lashings from people based on a post that they felt didn't line up with their beliefs.  I've shared political opinions that have rubbed some the wrong way.  I've been accused of being hateful simply because I've disagreed with an individuals ideology.  I've been fine with those disagreements, mostly because the differences of opinion has been civil and respectful.  BUT!

I'm finding there is nothing more pulverizing in a social media post that a post intended for humor that is immediately taken the wrong way.  I've personally misinterpreted someones musings as seriousness.  I've responded incorrectly to their thoughts.  I've not put myself in their shoes to understand what they were seeing/thinking/feeling.  A rush to judgement was made.  I felt they were insensitive to the masses.  When in reality it wasn't what they posted that was the problem, it was me.  I was the one having a bad day.  It was me who took offense too easily.  It was me who couldn't find humor as they could.  It was I that forgot to take the plank out of my own eye and was all to willing to point out the error of that individuals words.  Oops!

Last night the roles were reversed.  I was finding humor in the simplicity of life.  A simple observation of my surroundings that were meant to provide others a chuckle and enjoy life and the humor we as humans can provide.  I shared my thoughts of my perceived humor in the surroundings I was in and all based on those around me.  It was my attempt to not take life so seriously.  My bad!!!

I was soon bombarded by thoughts and perceived assumptions of my motives.  None of those responding to the post were near me.  Everyone responding knew I was laughing loudly for all to hear.  They knew I was mocking an elderly man in front of everyone in the restaurant I was in.  They knew I had malice in my blood and I humiliated the gentleman.  Nobody saw that I complimented the employee or that I admitted a fault I have.  They all assumed there was circumstances beyond the gentleman's control that I wasn't aware of thus hurting this persons feelings.  Everyone ignored the fact I didn't use any names.  Everyone ignored my intents and knew I was sharing what I did for pure self gratification.  I was accused of being a horrible representation of Christ; of how I should know better than to mock those with lesser capabilities than I.

To those that assumed the worst, couldn't understand my observation with the intended humor, believed in the worst of me and showed their disbelief in me...Thank you.  Thank you for making sure I knew I was human.  If it weren't for you I would never have known that life is more serious than I thought.  Shame on me for seeing humor where humor should not have been considered.  How I need to consider what potential ailments people may have before I chuckle at mere words.  I didn't know that complementing a great job by people would be overshadowed by my self centered need of being a bully.

Here's the problem though.  Your responses to me are all based on assumption.  You've used your understanding of being like Christ as a reprimand.  Your understanding of scripture has allowed you to twist God's word into your own method of shaming others.  You've used your perfection as a standard for all to live and shoved it in my face when I don't meet that expectation.  You have provided solid evidence that life should be void of levity and enjoying the simple moments of simple humor should never be shared.

I guess you've never had a good chuckle at the innocence of a child near you.  I suppose you and your spouse have never shared a good belly laugh at the words you just can't get out because of hiccups.  You probably never watch YouTube videos of the epic fails people have while on their skateboards.  You certainly haven't laughed at your co-worker jump when they realize you snuck up on them.  It is obvious you think through every little aspect of your actions; your words are always well thought out before one leaves your mouth or hits print on social media.  Silly me for not knowing that.  BUT...

All of the above isn't the saddest part of everything isn't my words.  It isn't even the fact that people responded.  Nope, not even close.  It's the fact the christians were condemning christians.  They are casting stones without knowing the whole story.  They were quick to point out the ignorance of a situation they knew nothing about.  Done for an opportunity to prove superiority and their own perfections.  All for the world to see.  All for those that already despise christians to have that disdain supported without any effort on their part.  The love that Christ says others will know we are christians certainly wasn't shown.  For them it was further confirmation that christians suck and that they will never live up to the standards christians set for the world to live by.

We are people, prone to screw up.  As christians we tend to forget the simple things in life can be appreciated in innocence without over analyzing everything.  Forgotten is how short life is and how much fun passes us by because we are too busy shooting for perfection that can never be attained.  I truly believe Christ sat around with the disciples having fun impersonating Peter and his rigidity.  When Christ had Peter walk on water, I pretty sure the other disciples laughed when his faith failed and he began to sink.  Sure there was a lesson, but what isn't accounted for is what happened afterwards when it was just Christ and the disciples around the camp fire that night.  And if Christ and the disciples could enjoy the simple things in life, why can't we?

Is it pride?  Is it a fear of accepting our own imperfections?  Are we so caught up in today societal need for political correctness that we are over sensitive to something that doesn't exist?  I don't have these answers nor do I know if there is an answer.  What I do know is that an answer may not exist.  I know that those who pointed out my errors have forgotten that like them, I am human as well.  I will never live up the their expectation of perfection just as they will never live up to any perceived expectations other have of them.  If I've been placed on a pedestal (self appointed or by others), expect failure.  If you find yourself on a pedestal, I hope you anticipate your own failure.

I expect these observations to offend many.  I fully expect those that read this will point out how wrong I am in my moment of honest reflection.  I am certain I'll continue being called a bully; insensitive; heartless; etc.  Go ahead, accuse me of that and more.  And while you continue calling me names I'll continue doing what I do to show love to those needing love.  Go ahead and look for my imperfections; I'll continue giving of myself.

For all the assumptions made about me and my insensitive actions; it's what isn't seen that really matters (as it does for you as well).  It's me volunteering time to kids; giving tickets to concerts to those who are trying with all they have to keep their grandchildren out of jail; showing compassion to a patient that has just learned they have cancer; helping someone reach something off the top shelf at the grocery store; praying with friends when they call asking for their nerves to be calmed.  I'll continue doing things in private without expectation of a thanks/recognition.

So thank you for your harsh words.  They have made me a better person.  Hopefully they will make you a better person as well.  And as for that pedestal you apparently put me on, I won't apologize for falling off.  I don't want to be up there.  I want to be on the same plane as you, as the homeless, as the janitor at your church.  If you want me up there, don't worry, Demon Hunter has a great song explaining that I will fail.  Lastly, know that despite the harsh words, I still love you as a friend; a person that adds value to my life.

Friendship Confession

Friendships make life beautiful.  They fill our lives with laughter, tears and celebrations.  From the mere acquaintance to the lifelong friend we are continually gaining and parting with friends.  Some friendships are for a short season; gone after someone moves.  Other friends stick with you despite the miles; family vacations include visits with these individuals and it's as if time never passed and the stories and laughter pick up where they left off the last time you saw each other.  Still other friendships are everyday; nightly drinks, phone calls, weekly dinners are all a part of this family bond you hold.  Each relationship is special in its own right.  We wouldn't be who we are today without those friendships.  If you are reading this it might be because we call each other friend or acquaintance.  Regardless, you are a part of my life, and I a part of yours.

But, I must confess something.  It's kind of a twofold confession.  It's something I've known but attempted to push it aside.  However, over the last few months I have come to the point where I must change a few things.  All good changes.  Maybe not comfortable changes and certainly not expected for some.  Changes though that must be made.

See, I love friendships.  I love talking to people and building that relationship. I meet some fascinating people in my job. I don't mind talking to strangers and getting to know that individual.  I'm fascinated by peoples stories.  I enjoy the process of getting to know people and them knowing me.  But, once I know you and have a relationship with you, I kinda become a horrible friend.

Allow me to clarify terrible friend status. I am a good friend; when sitting with people, when talking to them on the phone or over a cup of coffee.  I'll give you the shirt off my back if that is what you need.  If you call needing a listening ear, I've got two of them and will lend them anytime you have burdens or triumphs you desire to share.  I've got a home that I'll share to help keep you warm; food and water to give if you need a meal; whatever I have I will gladly share.  If you are a person of faith, I'll pray with and for you on a moments notice.  Yes, these qualities prove I'm a fairly good friend.  However, there is another side of any friendship that I'm not good at.

I suck at calling you to see how life is going.  I'm horrible about just stopping by to make sure you're still breathing.  Your name may run through my complicated mind for days on end, but I'll fail in discovering why.  You may be the silent type rarely asking for anything and I'll allow months to pass by before I see you and inquire about your daily goings on.  You may be going through divorce, a family illness or job uncertainty and unless you call me and tell me...I'm kind of a big jerk.

This discovery isn't new. I've confessed it before to a friend.  I'll say it again in the future.  But, the pain of admitting it while on vacation kinda got to me.  God finally convinced me I have to improve.  I have to be intentional in any communication with friends.  You shouldn't have to be the one reaching out for someone to listen to you, cry with you, laugh with, etc.  I have to be better.  I will be better.

Please, accept my apology for being a horrible friend.  If there is anything I work on this year, it is to be a better person in my relationships.  Continue calling/texting/messaging me, but I want to reciprocate those check ins.

Now, off to be the better friend I want to be.

God Never Gives Us More...Yes He Does

Happy New Year everyone.  I could easily write about the bringing in of 2018, the resolutions, the anticipation of something new and what fresh start lies ahead.  But that would be cliche of me.  You would probably just read a paragraph or two and chalk up this blog to another dreamer wishing everyone prosperity; reality stares all of us in the face knowing that some of us will fail at our resolutions, struggle with finances and face the loss of a loved one.

Over the last year my family has faced the loss of loved ones; the celebration of graduation; health scares; deteriorating health; job challenges; the list could go on, but you certainly understand.  You've been there too.  You might have faced worse or even better.  I pray that 2017 was everything you hoped it would be and 2018 holds as much greatness for you as you anticipate.

Now, here is where I hit you with some reality and some thought provoking.  What is your first thought when hardships hit?  What about tragedy?  How about the loss of a loved one when you expect it due to health?  Every situation probably comes with its own set of emotions.  I know that my state of mind is fairly broad when it comes to these situations.  At the end of 2016 that emotion was heartbreak after the first thought of, "Damn."  In 2014, when tragedy hit my hometown I was overcome with fear and confusion followed by that same word, "Damn."  In 2011 there was fear and a sense of helplessness.  Last year saw two family members with health scares.  Both times I was calm.  I knew age was and is catching up to those I love.  None of these instances were easy; the emotions were valid no matter which end of the spectrum I found myself on.

When you discuss those emotions with your circle of family and friends, what words of support do they provide?  I hope they cry with you.  I hope they hug you.  I pray they don't turn and run (which I do know happens).  But, there is one line that I hear all the time that I want to focus on.  It is a line that seems true when said and is meant in comfort.  However, I can find no confirmation of its validity.  I say this knowing I might be run out of churches and lose friends or considered to be losing my faith.  Before that happens, hear me out.  The line, "God will never give you more than you can handle."  I find this line cheap, insincere and unscriptural. 

Go ahead, tell me I've lost my faith.  Question what scripture I've been reading.  Then, show me where is scripture it tells us God gives us just enough to bend but not break.  If you can show me, then I'll accept that phrase at face value.  Rest assured though you will fail. 

Case studies for my belief in the falsehood of the statement.  1) Job: He lost his family; his wealth; his home; his friends told him God hated him and then left him; his health deteriorated; he was a shadow of himself.  I am sold on the fact he had a hard time handling this hardship.  2) Moses: He wandered the land for a few years (40 to be close to exact).  He lead a nations people after arguing with God.  3) John: Imprisoned; sent to Patmos to live as an exile; given dreams he never asked for (at least as I believe).  All three men loved by God.  I don't think they thought they could handle what was dealt to them.  All of them probably questioned what was happening.  I wouldn't find it hard to imagine them doubting God's presence or his love of them.  I also think they all wanted to have their Bruce Almighty moment - you know, the one in the beginning when he yells at God, "Smite me or mighty smiter!"  But, with all these instances, I don't see once where God allowed the trials to be easy.

What I do believe is that God allows for our hardships to be just that.  They are hard.  They should make you question things.  I believe it's okay to even give God that big ole fist and say, "What the hell are you doing?!?!?"  That belief is based on the fact that without that, we aren't learning how to trust him.  He wants us to cast our cares on him.  He wants us to talk to him about our feelings.  He wants us to get frustrated with our plights.  Most importantly, he desires us to get out of our own way and allow him to handle what we can't.  Why?  Because, we're not God.  We can't part a sea.  We can't walk on water.  We can't cause walls to fall with our own strength.  We just aren't that big. 

So please, show me where the Bible says God won't give us more than we can handle.  If you find that, then you'll also find where God wants us to do things on our own without him.  You'll see where he makes us little gods ourselves; and where Lucifer wasn't kicked out of Heaven.

When 2018 begins to give you a few lemons, go ahead, ask God to give you lemonade.  When you start seeing a loved ones health fade, know that God will comfort you.  If cancer begins to take over your body go ahead and wonder why; ask God, "What the hell are you doing?"  Get mad!  But, never feel as if you have to go at life alone.  God allows more than you can handle, simply so you can learn to lean on him more.

The Nose Knows

Who knew that a simple book from many of our childhoods would be stuck in my mind currently.  A book about a nose, or many noses.  Whatever the case, I have a Dr. Seuss Brigh & Early book stuck in my head, written by Al Perkins.  It's about a nose.  The beauty of a nose, and how awesome these things between our eyes are.

Well, one problem.  My nose isn't so friendly to me.  I haven't been blessed with the ability to smell a rose, a pie or chicken a la' king.  More over, mine sniffles (a lot) and tends to get burned.  I've lived with it.  Allergy misery, red color pain from the sun, and the deviated septum from the many times I've blown said nose, had the chronic sinusitus and whatever else causes such fun.

Why do I write about this?  Because I've entered the realm of the nose job people.  Except my nose job wasn't done to improve looks (Brittney Spears/Ashton Kutcher) or change appearance (Bruce Jenner).  Mine was done so I could smell the rose, pie and chicke a la' king.  It was done so I didn't have constant sniffles.  Mine was done to fix the deviated septum.  But, my nose job hurts just like the above celebrities does.  I still can't breath just yet, and my nose is swollen.  But, I have hope that I'll be able to smell again, as well as breath a little easier.

All in all, I have hope this surgery goes as well for me as it has gone for Britt Britt, with out the smaller shapely part of her nose job.

Oh, and enjoy this fun little nose song.

The Agony of a Musician, Manager and Promoter

Where were you on October 1st, 2017 at about 10pm PST?  Most of us were probably in bed, especially those on the east coast.  The evening news had all but wrapped up for most of the country with the left coast news about ready to hit the airwaves, if not already on.  Me, I was in bed.  The quiet confines of my house in a relatively quiet little city.  My phone chimed with a news alert.  Not typically inclined to go down the rabbit hole of news at this time of night, I quickly looked at the headline and nearly put down my phone.  Then another news notification.  I again, looked at the headline.  My interest was piqued.  I went and read a story.  I then hopped over to Twitter to see what was being said.  No sooner did I see one post, there was another...and another...and another...with videos.  In my moments of trying to go to sleep I was lying there, shocked by the videos and twitter posts.  I was watching and reading of another moment in my life I will never forget where I was.  I was going to bed the night the lives of thousands at a concert in Las Vegas had changed forever.  A music festival was now the sight of terror, filled with horror and mass chaos.  Wow!  I had now words.

I woke this morning immediately checking my phone for the latest news.  More videos, more stories and more questions.  I got to work, opened my computer, and watched the news for just a few minutes.  The words to describe what I saw and heard are many, and yet not enough.  My shock and disbelief turned to anger.  I was enraged that someone could be so heartless.  Angry that a single person held so much hate in their hearts.  I found myself in a pretty bad spot.  The spot between shock and anger with hints of hate.  That wasn't me.  So I turned my thoughts to the artists, the stagehands, the roadies, first responders and officers.  That is me.  I'm a member of this industry.  My wife is a first responder.  My son has dreams to play baseball and do music.  My daughter has dreams to be a photographer, which she hopes places her at these types of events.  In short, this is my family now and in the future!  Now how do I respond?

What are my friends who perform nightly thinking now?  Every single night they get on stage, entertain people, sing their hearts out for those in attendance and then stay well after they're off stage talking to anyone wanting an autograph/picture/t-shirt.  These are the nicest people you'll ever meet.  They sacrifice family time phone calls, dinners and sleep just to make someones day special.  But now...now what will they do?  Will they stay late?  Will they be afraid to step on stage?

I'm a promoter with promoter friends.  They do this all the time.  They open the doors to venues so people can attend a concert with their favorite artists.  From before set up to well after the bands load up and move on the the next show, your promoter works nonstop to make sure those in attendance are safe, relaxed and having fun.  They work to ensure the artists are well hydrated, fed and filled with coffee/energy drink/water, and relaxed so they can entertain every one that walks through the door that night.  This great group of folks will walk the facility to make sure doors are closed that should be, artist only areas are roped off as needed, security is in place, merch people are ready to sell, and so on.  Every last detail falls on their shoulders and not a single thing goes on without their permission.  There will be glitches on the night of the show, unhappy people attending a concert their favorite artist had to back out of at the last minute, people mad because there was not enough pop at the concession stand or something; but these folks - promoters know that with a little compassion, understanding and quick thinking, the unhappy and disappointed will soon be thankful for attending the event.  Your promoter is a friend to all.  But now...how do they move on to the next concert?  Could the concert they promote be the next Las Vegas?

Over the years I've worked with some great managers.  They work for the artist and the best interest of the team.  They attend weddings, graduations, a child's 1st birthday party, album release parties and more.  When bands first start out and can't pay a manager, these people will still work because they want to see the reward they know their band/artist will get with performing for fans.  Large or small, they don't care about the popularity or pay (though the pay can be wonderful), they too get excited to see the fans singing along at concerts even though they may be at home while the concert is hundreds of miles away.  They know the heartbreak their artists go through when away from home, how hard it is to miss a child's birthday, an anniversary date or the daughters first softball game.  But, they also get to experience the sound of relief/ecitement from their artist when family homes are spared during a tornado, their mom beats breast cancer and their sibling gets married.  But now...how do they assure their artist the summer festival tour will be safe?  That the arena will have adequate security?  More importantly, how do they prepare their artist to safely leave a stage when something goes wrong?

I certainly don't have the answers to the questions I've asked.  My heart hurts for those who lost loved ones.  I know people that live in Las Vegas that are asking these very questions and more.  I am pretty sure I knew someone that knew someone in attendance Sunday night.  A friend from years gone by was suppose to be working the concert but circumstances kept him home.  My heart is in pain for the survivors.  I asked my wife, if in attendance, would she have been running back into harms way to save others.  I knew the answer, but I had to hear it from her.  "Yes!"  And I was thankful to hear that from her.  But at the same time, it scares me.  Scares me to know that at any given moment, that here in Cheyenne, a concert that my friends and I are promoting or attending could be the next spot this happens.  I could be on vacation attending a festival, just like those in Las Vegas, and I could be helping my wife help others escape terror.  But fear is not something I will let win.

My family, friends and partners in the music industry can't see fear as winning.  If I can be a person of hope for them, then I'm ready.  As Paul wrote in Philippians 3 regarding him having no confidence in the flesh, I too strive to have confidence in Christ instead of flesh.  Then, in Philippians 4 he tells us to rejoice!  Wait a second!  I can't rejoice in this terror.  True, I'm not, but I am rejoicing in seeing neighbor helping neighbor.  I rejoice that stranger has helped stranger, celebrity musicians pulling people to safety, a school teacher helping the elderly and so on.  That is something that no race, creed or affiliation can deny - people helping people.  I'm choosing to not be anxious about this.  I'm choosing to follow Paul's plea in Philippians 4:8 and dwell on the pure, noble, lovely and admirable.  I know it won't be easy.  I know that Las Vegas will change the way the music industry practices many things.  But...

Fear, you suck.  Terror, you're horrible.  Cowards, you have no place in this world.  As I type this, the tears are running.  In my world, my partners and I choose to tell these three things, "Screw you!"  We will continue to offer hope to a lost world.  We will continue to support our friends as they travel across the world sharing hope.  We will provide a place for artists to come, turn up the volume and rock our world.  Why?  Because, that's what we are called to do.  That's what the scared child in all of us is begging us to do.  It's what the world needs us to do.  It's what God has asked us to do.  It may cost us a ton, including everything (again, more words from Paul), but I know I'm not alone in this.  Thankfully, I have a pretty large music industry family that has my back all while I have theirs.

From me, and on behalf of my friends and family in the industry, I bid fear, terror, regret and anxiousness a fond farewell.  We are better because of these last few days.  We are stronger because of you.  And most importantly, we know you will never win because we know the God who is kicking you square in the teeth and taking your name.

The Foods You Love and The Work You Do

Your childhood is formed in your surroundings.  You don't know what the big city lights hold when living in a rural area.  Nor do you know the great independence county living holds when you grow up in the burbs of a large metropolis.  Once in a while you get to experience a little of the other on family vacations.  Those excursions are awesome!  Lifetime memories.  Then, you reach your teen years, gain some freedom and can determine which surrounding you desire.  Great times are made with friends and family.  Soon, you're ready to venture out on your own full time.  City life suits you so you stay near your suburb home you grew up in.  Maybe you are just sick of the small town feel and you have to experience the bright lights of a city that rarely sleeps.  Of course, if you're like me, the big city is fun, but you want to escape to open spaces.  You need room so you head for the hills and find the least populated city you can think of, even if it is the state you grew up.  Some familiarity but away from it all.  I get it, and I don't blame anyone for choosing your home surroundings once adulthood sets in.  But, this post isn't about physical surroundings of growing up.  Rather, it is what you grow up consuming for nourishment.  No, it's not a normal food discussion either.  So, buckle up for the adventure of the food you may love and how it just might become something you will soon become nauseous at the thought of consuming it.

I grew up in a small town north of Seattle.  That town was famous for farms and strawberries.  We celebrated the greatness of strawberries by eating them nearly year round.  But the best ones were always fresh from the fields just south and north of town.  It seemed all of my friends had a summer job picking strawberries once they graduated elementary school (5th grade there).  Outside of not having a few extra bucks, I'm kinda thankful I never held that job.  Not that I didn't like work, especially since I usually did random yard work for my moms boss.  It's because I also had a job come up at home that seemed as if it lasted months.  It was a job that I'm thankful for, where my brother and I learned a lot of life skills.  However, it is safe to say that neither of us have the appreciation of the fruits of this particular job provided.  And because of living in a town painted in strawberries, and learning the intricacies of all things apples, I have stories to tell and certain foods that cause trembling upon the thought of consuming.

Let's begin with the plantation I spent my high school days living on.  Yes, just north of Seattle and in what was almost the exact middle of town, there was a plantation.  It wasn't a big one, but there were a lot of apple trees.  And a lot of pear trees.  Crab apple trees were in the mix too.  The first year we lived there we soon learned those trees produced...a lot.  I don't know that the local Safeway store could keep up with our stock.  We couldn't give enough of these delicious gems away.  Bags upon bags of each lined our kitchen.  That isn't including what was lost on the ground.  What we couldn't give away, we used. Everything we ate consisted of pears or apples.  Fried, raw, chopped, stirred in, smashed and more.  Main dish, side dish or desert, breakfast, lunch, dinner or snack.  There was no wrong way or bad time to consume an apple or pear.  My parents (mainly my dad) went as far as to go get an apple press to aid in making applesauce.  We had pancakes with chopped apples topped with applesauce.  There were fried and candied pears to top the ice cream.  Apple crisp, applesauce on port chops and just about any combination you could think of.  We even made applesauce to give to friends.  If we weren't giving it to them, we had them over to help us consume the stuff.  Even after I moved out of the house, I had to deal with apples (the house I moved to had just as many apples that I was dumb enough to take to my parents if I didn't sell them or give them away).

Fast forward to strawberries and the annual Strawberry Festival.  An annual week long event that we attended parts of.  Go Kart rides/races, a parade, carnival, bed races and more.  The festival was punctuated by strawberry shortcake.  Growing up I loved everything the festival held.  Then I volunteered for a few years as an adult.  It was great learning how to organize a small portion of the festival.  I made great friends for that part of my life.  I was able to share that time with family, and even saw my brother and father get involved.  It was awesome!  Then, in the middle of another dreary and drizzly Seattle day, I decided to help the Festival Strawberry Shortcake booth.  I gladly accepted a free shortcake to help promote the food we were celebrating.  Then I had another bowl of goodness...and another...and another...By the time 11am rolled around (about 3 hours after the 1st bowl of shortcake) I had consumed at least 6 bowls of fresh strawberry shortcake.  That was Friday.  I can't confirm I had more that afternoon.  I don't remember much about Saturday (except the lightning, canceling the parade, and telling someone that standing under a metal water tower would not help protect them in a lightning storm), but I'm pretty sure I did have more shortcake.

What does all this nonsense  mean?  Why am I writing about it?  Will it make a difference for you and your life?  Outside of a few chuckles, it probably won't impact you much at all.  This may be more therapeutic than anything.  BUT, it's also to give you a little background into my life.

I know how to harvest apples (and "accidentally" miss the bag to hit your dad on the head).  I've learned to eat what is available, even if it is just slightly different than the meal before.  I know how to make different things from one simple fruit.  Yes, a simple apple can teach you all that and more if you give it a chance.  It can also teach you how to come together as a family, how to be generous, be a good host, and most importantly, how to make the most of every situation.  Better stated - it gave me the ultimate knowledge that I have to choose my attitude.  Yup, a simple apple taught me all that.

The strawberry gave me just as much knowledge.  It taught me how to help friends and strangers.  It gave me limited organizational skills (I'm still learning this).  I learned how to make sure electric cords weren't strung through puddles, how to keep people safe at all times, notice the small things affecting my surroundings and to appreciate a free meal (or seven) even when it is the same as the last.  I saw families be a family for one week a year.  I saw how to run a festival and how to work with the masses to make something special.  It provided great life lessons.  Yes, a small red fruit gave me a lifetime of memories and lessons, just different enough to add to all I learned from an apple.

I may loathe applesauce now.  I may shudder at the thought of eating strawberry shortcake.  I may never volunteer to taste your beautiful looking and probably great apple or strawberry pie, but I will admire your work.  Sure, a fresh apple is great, but I have to dip it in caramel sauce in order to get it down without choking it down.  Yes, I'll have some strawberry shortcake, but it will only be once a year, twice if you're lucky.  If I have to have toast with strawberry jam, rest assured I asked for something else first.  I'll still eat apple crisp, but I hope there is some vanilla ice cream to top it with.  I love these great fruits.  I just have a hard time looking at them without bringing up some wonderful and sometimes dark memories.

As I discussed this very thing with my brother, these are some very dark roads for me.  But, I can't be who I am without these roads in life.  I am appreciative of what these two (three if you add the pears) fruits taught me.  I kinda miss not having those apple trees to help my two children learn what I've learned.  Okay, I really don't miss the trees or mass amounts of applesauce, but I do miss everything that went into the products of that small plantation I called home for many year.

Mirror Imaging in Music

Music is an integral part of my life.  Yes, I'm sure I've said it before, so that line might sound like a broken record.  Yet, I think it important to confirm.  From a pure entertainment standpoint to a part of my professional life, music is something I don't think I'll ever escape from its clutches.  Not that I currently want to, nor foresee me wanting to, but just in case the desire arises, it just isn't going to happen.

Music was an escape for me while I was growing up.  I would sit in my room blaring music loud enough to drive my parents crazy.  Despite the loud obnoxious sound emanating from my stereo, my parents would only encourage me to turn down the sound.  Never were there discouraging words towards my music.  In fact, they encouraged me to discover my likes, my passions, my dislikes and even somehow supported my "rebellion" through the music.  My brother wrote about being an outcast in his youth group, mostly because of music.  Sadly, I think I set that musical outcast precedence due to my musical tastes that gave me the "rebellious" label.  I listened to Stryper, Petra, Bloodgood and the even harder stuff.  I listened to P.I.D., Gospel Gangstaz and E.T.W, as well as other rap groups of early Christian Hip/Hop movement.  It was this rebellion in music that has put me where I am today.

I'm deeply involved in various music ventures.  I'm a part of a group of rag tag guys and gals that promote concerts in Cheyenne.  Yeah, even here, with this group of great individuals, my rebellious musical tastes show since we promote non typical Christian music.  I'm a manager/booking agent.  I freelance write, and soon I'll be co-hosting a podcast.  Music is a part of me.  More than all of the above, I'm also excited to see what my son creates in his musical endeavors.  Yes, even he is writing music, produced a video and enjoys just singing along with his Pandora stations.  

Lastly, my daughter enjoys listening to music.  Her musical tastes aren't large, but she is my rocker chick.  She'll go with me to any concert, anywhere, on any given moments notice.  

Music is becoming a reflection of not just myself, but also my family.  We continually seek something fresh, something new, something that we can enjoy and seek the much needed escape it can be.  My Facebook page cover photo states, "Music is my drug cause it heals my scars."  That statement is so true.  I find healing, comfort and yes, even God in the music I select (it doesn't have to be Christian music for me to see God).

Today, I have found that refreshing music.  Something new, something fresh.  It was what I needed.  I find that this finding is reflective of what I need as a person, and we as people often seek.  New, refreshing and entertaining.  We want a renewal when work becomes too burdensome.  Some of us seek new on a daily basis, a quest for adrenaline.  All of us want to be entertained to help us forget the hardships of the day.  So, what I thought was just a simple refreshing new album also provided a chance to refresh and reflect on how my music desires and tastes are actually a reflection of life as a whole.

A Mess of Thoughts with a Bad Memory

Do you ever have those days where every thought you want to put pen to paper, yet you don't do it that very second?  You know you will remember that thought later in the day and you'll write it down then.  No?  Just me?  Fine.  Must be my age.  Man, I had hoped I wasn't alone, but maybe I am.

Of course, I follow a guy on Facebook that brought this subject up earlier today.  Even the great Bob Beeman (Sanctuary International) admits that his memory doesn't remember the things he wants to write down later.  So, I'm learning to listen to those I respect and admire.  If he says he doesn't remember what he needs to write down, then I trust that he speaks with an intimate knowledge of a failing memory of certain things.  I should take heed.

So, I'm going to try and do something that may cause others to wonder about me.  They will question why I'm just randomly speaking into my phone.  It will probably put me into the, "certifiably crazy," category.  Not that this classification would be new to me, but solidifying that status would be great.  What is it I'm going to do?  Easy, I'm going to download a recording app on my phone that will allow me to record my thoughts.  This should allow me to remember what I need/want to write down when the opportunity presents.

I share this with you for transparency.  I'm not perfect, and my memory is even worse.  I have had a lot I've wanted to share, but due to not writing it down at the time of the thought, I haven't shared.  So, I'm going to teach myself a lesson.  Record it and then I shouldn't have an excuse.  Key word, shouldn't.  Also, I share to provide you with a fair warning.  I'm going to be writing more.  Hopefully a lot more.

The more writing starts tonight.  For the next couple of weeks I'll be sharing with you at least every third day.  My desire is for that to be therapeutic for myself.  With any luck, I hope it will be therapeutic for some of you as well.  Do I know what I'll be writing, sharing or discussing?  NOPE!  Not at all.  But, I will share.

That's all for tonight.  On the bright side, I at least remembered to share about my failing memory.

Ariana And Manchester

Our world has been shook one more time.  It's a story that seems to be repeating itself.  Large gathering, bomb(s) explode, injury and death following.  It never gets easier to see, more painful to listen to and enrages even more.  This time, Manchester, UK.  Another concert, this one just happened to be a pop singer - Ariana Grande.

As a person that can't comprehend this atrocity, upon learning of the bombing I wanted to know.  I needed to know as many details possible to learn about the scene unfolding.  In today's world, it's what most people do, turn on the news.  I'm gripped by the scenes on my computer (I stream everything - no cable).  More importantly, I'm broken by the thought of children being the target of this recent attack.

Initially, the dad in me kicks in.  How could...better yet, what kind of coward would attack kids.  I don't care if it was a 21 year old attending the concert with their mother, a 14 year old attending their first concert alone, or the 7 year old celebrating a birthday at a concert with their friends.  These are kids, a future ahead of them brighter than whatever kind of pathetic life this person ever lived.  I was enraged.  Coward was the nicest name I could think of in describing this person(s).  The anger and hurt vied for leading emotion in my head and heart.  Justice being served in death for whomever did this started as a rally cry in my mind.  Then, rational thought began to take over, especially in light the guilty was apparently dead.  Yet, it was this rational thinking consuming me and truly breaking my heart.

Yes, the loss of 19 lives is devastating.  More than 50 injured is senseless as well.  Despite this, my response was understandable as a dad.  But, as a person professing christianity, I'm not sure it was the right response.

See, as I understand it, we should mourn the loss of life.  All life.  Every single person that passes over to the other side is meeting their eternal fate.  And it is there that we who believe are to be concerned.  Where are they spending their lives eternally.  All life, all people, coward or not, innocent child, parent or grandparent and everyone in between.  Gone.  And I was more concerned about retribution.

Wow!  I failed.  But, God brought me back around.  My heart aches for Ariana.  I'm pretty sure there is a level of guilt she feels.  She shouldn't, but she will.  I can't imagine my child missing, the feeling of not knowing where they are, if they are anywhere.  Yet, there are parents lost without their child by their side.  They probably feel guilt as well.  Sadly, they will probably feel that guild the rest of their lives.  My heart breaks for those parents.  There are children in a hotel room with strangers caring for them.  They are being cared for, but it's not their parents.  I'm pretty sure they couldn't sleep or eat, and certainly are scared.  Tears are welling in my eyes when I think about these poor children.  Life isn't fair to begin with, and then going through something like this is beyond comprehension.

Then, there is the perpetrator.  My human self is glad.  My faith led mind and heart breaks for this individual as well.  I'm not inclined to believe they are in heaven tonight.  Sure, they could be, and I won't say definitively it's impossible.  They had a family as well.  Their family will never see their son/daughter/husband/wife ever again, just as the victims families will never see their child/parent/spouse.

But, what is more troubling to me is the response of other christians.  Sure, they'll post on social media, text their friends and call their prayer chains about praying for Manchester.  Yet, they will just as quickly show their anger towards terrorism (which they should) and how we need to eliminate every radical muslim.  They'll share how no reasonable parent should take their 6 year old girl to see someone who said they hate Americans.  They'll judge Ariana as not being a great role model for girls today.  Just remember, pray for the victims.  The double standard will be set and reached in a matter of minutes.

This double standard is what truly disgusts me.  I reiterate, every life matters.  The coward, the young and old.  Every single one.  Terrorist, peace maker, believer or not, they matter.  A fact that many christians conveniently forget when it comes to things like this.  Maybe, just maybe, one day we'll learn.

My thoughts and prayers go out to everyone involved in the Manchester tragedy.

Easter Paradox

Easter!!!  Another chance to celebrate a holiday.  Another day many of us expect to spend with family, sharing laughs over another gluttonous spread of food.  Some will partake in the regular attendance of a worship service, while others will attend one of their mandatory two services at a random church.  Kids will hunt for baskets of gifts at home, then turn around and fill those very baskets with eggs found in a hunt at Grandma and Grandpa's house.  Yes, Easter is filled with celebration aplenty.

Today as I traveled the streets of Cheyenne, I couldn't help but think about the double standard we have set in America.  Yes, I know.   You're probably tired of hearing about a so called double standard.  All of us are bombarded by media (both right and left) pointing out a double standard in things.  But, it hit me today that Easter is a paradox of holiday standards our society has set.

Name a holiday that is considered mostly sacred where the expectation is to relax and gather as a family.  You guessed correctly.  Thanksgiving and Christmas.  Everyone is entitled to gather with family and relax on those two holidays.  We as an American culture demand the time off to relax, enjoy the time away from everything related to work and fill our stomachs to our hearts content.  If we find ourselves scheduled to work, our inclination is to raise hell to our bosses claiming an unfairness not found in other countries.  We then look for any and every other profession that gets the day off and demand equal treatment.  And if you are afforded these holidays off, you look for those professions that do open on these holidays so you can protest, complain and yell of injustices of those businesses by not being fair to their employees.  Example: go back to Thanksgiving 2015 and how appalled the masses were when they found out Target, Kohl's and WalMart were going to be open Thanksgiving evening.  Or how shocked you were to find out the movie theater was going to open Christmas evening.  Be honest with yourself, you and the masses were outraged over these outlandish events with many an hour spent yearning for yesteryear.

Well, where is the outrage today?  Why are we silent about companies being open on Easter?  Why are we not calling for unity to boycott the businesses open on Easter?  Well?  Where?  Yeah, that's what I thought.  It's not something anyone wants to spend time on.  Or is it the fact that if falls on a Sunday anyway, and most people have Sunday's off?  Maybe it's because we want to gather as a family at a buffet for Easter Brunch and if places aren't open, then how do we do that?  See the paradox now?

See, we as a society are all about convenience.  It is convenient for us to protest about something one minute, yet not lift a finger the other because if we did we'd lose some of our precious traditions.  Whats worse is that the very ones who don't complain about places being open on Easter are the ones that should be relaxing and celebrating more than most, and that those claiming to be christians celebrating the sacred holiday.

OUCH!!!  I bet I just struck a nerve with many of you.  Yeah, you the pastor, the Sunday School teacher, the board member.  You are the ones that rightfully find disdain for companies open on Thanksgiving and Christmas yet expect your favorite dining establishment be open for you after a long day at work (because Sunday is just another day of work, right).  Sure, you proclaim the triumph Christ has over sin and death, but then are disappointed when Target isn't open so you can get those Easter gifts for your kids at prices discounted enough to help make sales for the holiday.

Don't worry, I'm guilty too.  I made a quick run to the office supply store to get some things printed.  My wife ran to the neighborhood grocery store to get food for the work week.  But, here's where my thinking lies.  I didn't raise Cain about people working on Thanksgiving or Christmas.  I'm not inclined to hold one holiday in higher regard than the other.  I truly believe that these days are just the same as the next.  Sure, I enjoy the time spent relaxing and sharing a meal with family as much as the next person.  However, why should I do that on days that society tells me I should be doing it?  If I believe what is in my Bible, then shouldn't I celebrate Christ's victory over death and sin every day, holiday or not?  People in many professions don't have the option to have every holiday off, but they don't complain, and live these days just as the next - believer or not.  And, if they can do it, then so can I.  And if I can do it, then so can you.

So, explain to me again.  Why isn't anyone upset that WalMart, TacoBell and Office Depot were open today, Easter Sunday?