There Is No Stupid Question

Life is a beautiful thing.  It can also be ugly, funny, horrific and about any other descriptive word you can think of.  Usually, all those things will describe your life.  Or my life.  Each moment in life is broken into moments where we see things in those moments.  One minute we can be on top of Mount Rainier, overlooking the beautiful sights of Western Washington.  The next minute we can be trying to find the rip cord as we free fall towards earth.  We may be rejoicing at the birth of our 5th child, or mourning the loss of a loved one.  Each moment, distinct in our perception of how life is and how we walk through those stages.  They make us.  They break us.  We are today because of those yesterdays.

How do we handle those yesterday's?  When do we heal?  How do we heal?  Do we ever, "get over," each of these moments?  How do we, "move on," when heartbreak hits?  How can someone celebrate life when they are going through cancer treatment?  So many questions that all pertain to living each day when  the hits, the punches, the falls, the get back ups and the victories are everywhere around you.  We ask the, "what if's," and the, "did this just happen's," constantly.  Like the Energizer Bunny, the questions seem to never end.

All of us deal with these questions and answers differently.  Me, I don't have the answers to many, if any of these questions.  And the answers I might have are different for everyone.  And your answers might help me out, but not your neighbor.  I don't get it.  I would love it if there were a simple answer for all of life's crazy.  But, I'd also get really bored if every one of your life's questions were the same as my life questions.

But, there is one thing I know.  One thing I've had to explain to some of my Uber riders that I'll share here.  Ask.  Ask me how I handle things.  Ask how you should look at things.  Ask how your brother has survived his loss of his wife to the auto accident.  Ask how your sister has lived with gestational diabetes.  Ask your best friend what it's like to retire from the military and how hard it's been to get a job in the civilian world.  Ask your aunt how they have kept a smile on their face when your cousin continues getting arrested.  Just ask.

For me, you asking about my cancer, the effects it had on me, might still have on me and what it will look like in 10 years is therapeutic.  It helps me focus on the blessings I have in life; the thankfulness of seeing each day on what is borrowed time.  Ask about the scars of self imposed failure during the battles of cancer.  Ask.

I pray we learn to ask.  It shows others we care.  It brings an inexplicable healing to you and I.  We'll start building each other up.  It will allow us to have personal exchanges that our phones aren't letting us have anymore.  It will take away the Instagram likes and replace them with high fives/fist bumps/hugs/smiles.  It could change your world.

Ask.  It's not stupid.  Just ask.

Beautiful Daughter

Dear Beautiful Daughter,

The moment I laid eyes on you was the moment you had me wrapped around your little finger.  You knew my voice, but you were meeting me for the first time.  Your cry excited me knowing that I was going to hold you very soon.  That cry also scared me as I knew the world would soon come knocking.  But, at that moment nothing else mattered than hearing you cry, seeing your mom cry in joy, and knowing that you were mine.

As you grew you continued to have me wrapped around your little finger.  You would fall asleep on my chest, your eyes twinkled every time you looked in mine, and you would hold my hand every time we walked through the mall.  But it wasn't just me that you had wrapped around your little finger.  NO!  Your grandparents, those who baby sat you, your teachers...every one you came into contact with you stole their heart.

Why did you steal my heart?  Because you were you.  To this day you have no fear of people.  There is no person you won't talk to.  There isn't a friend you have never met.  This "no stranger" attitude has given you a beautiful soul.  So many wish they could talk to people the way you do.  So many wish they had the energy you do.  Sure, some will joke about you having too much energy, but in reality, one can never have too much energy.  And that energy is beautiful.  The fact you talk to everyone is scary at times, but it shows a love for them no matter what.  That love is beautiful.

Truth be told, you could be quiet every second of the day, and that would be beautiful.  You could love to read, ride dirt bikes, bake to your hearts content or do anything else, and you would have stolen our hearts.  You are me, and yet you are your own person.  That, the person you are is enough for me to have my heart stolen by you.

As you've grown, words are harder to find, emotions aren't as easy to share.  The laughs are still there, but sometimes not as hearty.  It's okay, it's a part of life.  However, I need you to know, you're still beautiful.

I still need you to know how precious you are, no matter the age.  I need you to know you still have me wrapped around your little finger.  I need you to know that the only opinion of you that matters is my opinion of you, you mothers opinion of you, and most importantly God's opinion of you.  I need you to know that wherever life leads you, I still love you.  All these words to express and yet I can't say enough.

Dear Beautiful Daughter, read these words as often as you need.  They will never change.  Their meaning will never be any different.  And, no matter what the world tells you, please know that you are my Beautiful Daughter.

The Year Is...

No, I did not forget the rest of the title to this blog.  I'm leaving that up to you.  You finish the title as you see fit.  I really don't want to finish the title.  No reason other than I just don't want to.  Honestly, I just don't have the energy to define the year.  Oh, and there is a trick to finishing the title.  Well, maybe not a trick, but there are certain dynamics that come to play based on how you finish the title.

Are you an optimist?  If so, you're probably thinking "Finally Here!"  You're expecting great things in 2016.  You're New Year's Eve party is all planned out, guests invited and the stroke of midnight can't get here soon enough.  Even if you aren't planning a party and are just attending one, you still eagerly await the turn of the calendar.

Maybe you have had a rough year.  You've experienced divorce, death, job loss, or something that has shook your foundation.  I envision you saying, "finally over."  I don't blame you.  You're hoping there is no repeat of these events.  As much as you want to hang on to what was, you are desperately trying to begin a new hoping that 2016 brings a renewing that allows you to hang on to the good of 2015 and restore your faith in life/humanity/God.

Of course, there are those of you who hate change.  It doesn't matter what it is that changes, you hate it.  The turn of the calendar causes panic.  You are the ones who finish the title by adding, "sadly over."  It's not that you are sad about anything, you were just comfortable with everything in your life, and 2016 is...well...change.  Something new is coming and you just don't like it, even if something better awaiting you.

Lastly, there's those of you like me.  You're life moves at breakneck speed with days passing by like Jeff Gordon passing you on the track.  The end of the title reads, "Already Gone?"  You're not hating anything, not missing anything and might actually be looking forward to the change.  Like myself, you feel as if you only took one blink this year and all that happened is already in the books.  The memories are blessings, There might be some moments of 2015 you want to relive, but you know that 2016 could certainly replay some of those moments with slight variances.

So, how are you going to finish the title?  I finished my title in the above paragraph.  I look forward to 2016 and the adventure life will bring.  I can't wait to see what God provides in life.  My kids growing still feels like it has just begun, but there is different growth now.  Growth of the adults they are becoming.  I look forward to the fun the spring and summer bring. I know there's events that will happen, and I know there will be things unplanned that will be just as fun.  Reality also holds uncertainty and obstacles that will have to be overcome.  Odd as it may sound, I look forward to those as well.

I pray that 2016 provides you with joy, excitement, growth and opportunity.  Enjoy the new year.

Music Therapy

My entire life, music has been my therapy. Music has been there through Sunday School, high school, getting me through really boring moments of church services, my wedding, through watching my kids grow and just about every other part of life. Now is no different.

Music has the power to destroy or heal, cause to cry or laugh, and other mixed bags of cause/effect. Right now, this very second, it is music that is healing me and carrying me through the roughest spot of my life (www.caringbridge.org/visit/WYOMusicMan to catch up to speed on what my life entails). And, as I sit at work searching through years (and I have a lot of them) of music, I can't help but think, what song is helping you through your day/week/month/etc.?

Sorry, I can't even answer my own question, especially since I have diagnosed myself with Music ADD. Seriously, I can't make it through one rotation on a CD before I'm changing CD's (and yes, that includes the pre baseball game mix CD I made for Ethan).

Have a wonderful _____________ (fill in the blank as to what you want to have wonderful).