Friendship Confession

Friendships make life beautiful.  They fill our lives with laughter, tears and celebrations.  From the mere acquaintance to the lifelong friend we are continually gaining and parting with friends.  Some friendships are for a short season; gone after someone moves.  Other friends stick with you despite the miles; family vacations include visits with these individuals and it's as if time never passed and the stories and laughter pick up where they left off the last time you saw each other.  Still other friendships are everyday; nightly drinks, phone calls, weekly dinners are all a part of this family bond you hold.  Each relationship is special in its own right.  We wouldn't be who we are today without those friendships.  If you are reading this it might be because we call each other friend or acquaintance.  Regardless, you are a part of my life, and I a part of yours.

But, I must confess something.  It's kind of a twofold confession.  It's something I've known but attempted to push it aside.  However, over the last few months I have come to the point where I must change a few things.  All good changes.  Maybe not comfortable changes and certainly not expected for some.  Changes though that must be made.

See, I love friendships.  I love talking to people and building that relationship. I meet some fascinating people in my job. I don't mind talking to strangers and getting to know that individual.  I'm fascinated by peoples stories.  I enjoy the process of getting to know people and them knowing me.  But, once I know you and have a relationship with you, I kinda become a horrible friend.

Allow me to clarify terrible friend status. I am a good friend; when sitting with people, when talking to them on the phone or over a cup of coffee.  I'll give you the shirt off my back if that is what you need.  If you call needing a listening ear, I've got two of them and will lend them anytime you have burdens or triumphs you desire to share.  I've got a home that I'll share to help keep you warm; food and water to give if you need a meal; whatever I have I will gladly share.  If you are a person of faith, I'll pray with and for you on a moments notice.  Yes, these qualities prove I'm a fairly good friend.  However, there is another side of any friendship that I'm not good at.

I suck at calling you to see how life is going.  I'm horrible about just stopping by to make sure you're still breathing.  Your name may run through my complicated mind for days on end, but I'll fail in discovering why.  You may be the silent type rarely asking for anything and I'll allow months to pass by before I see you and inquire about your daily goings on.  You may be going through divorce, a family illness or job uncertainty and unless you call me and tell me...I'm kind of a big jerk.

This discovery isn't new. I've confessed it before to a friend.  I'll say it again in the future.  But, the pain of admitting it while on vacation kinda got to me.  God finally convinced me I have to improve.  I have to be intentional in any communication with friends.  You shouldn't have to be the one reaching out for someone to listen to you, cry with you, laugh with, etc.  I have to be better.  I will be better.

Please, accept my apology for being a horrible friend.  If there is anything I work on this year, it is to be a better person in my relationships.  Continue calling/texting/messaging me, but I want to reciprocate those check ins.

Now, off to be the better friend I want to be.

Lost and Hope

This might be the hardest blog I've ever had to write.  I'm torn, my stomach in knots, and my heart in pieces.  My eyes have cried tears off and on for well over 24 hours.  I'm actually visualizing my heart looking a lot like Humpty Dumpty right now.  Yeah, I see it fresh fallen off the wall, in thousands of pieces.  But, I'm also seeing it having been put back together, not by horses or men, but by the King, and by the hope he provides.

Back in 2011 I met a man that found me on Facebook.  He was a nice guy, managed a band, worked hard, loved his family, loved music, loved talking and most importantly, loved God.  Michael Reed and I quickly formed a bond that has endured some really rocky moments for each of us personally and professionally.  We encouraged each other through those rough times.  From my cancer battle to some hardships at work, or his loss of job to his wifes addictions and illnesses, we were there for each other, and still are.  My family has vacationed in Tennessee with his family.  All of us have laughed together in person and over the phone.  We've also cried together, and prayed together.  Yes, they are no longer friends, they are family.

Then, yesterday happened.  I heard fear in his voice.  I sobbed with him, uncontrollably.  I had no words of comfort.  I have no understanding.  I want to, but I can't.  All I had was an ear, and an ability to pray.  So, I gave him an ear for just a few minutes, and prayed with him for a couple more.  And then just like that, he had to go.

His life was being ripped out from underneath his feet like a young aspiring kid magician tying to pull out the table cloth from under the dishes on the dining room table.  I could hear the crashing of everything around Michael.  His heart was crying out, and me, I was right there with him despite the miles apart.  His wife and daughters missing.  His house, burning.  The woods surrounding the house, engulfed in the worst forest fire in 100+ years in Eastern Tennessee.  It was all crashing.  I was going numb, he certainly had to be numb.

Fast forward to this morning, still weary from minimal sleep, I immediately checked for any update from Michael.  Nothing.  My heart still in pieces.  But, there was a new report featuring Michael and his story.  Knoxville news was interviewing him.  He shared pictures, begged for help, and again, shared his grief at the loss of his family.  They were still missing, 12 hours after he last talked to his wife.  All day long, I continued to check with limited information.  I wasn't alone in checking.  My phone was giving me notifications all day long with people seeking any information.  My family grew exponentially today, all anticipating a miracle.

Now, 24+ hours later, and the Reed family is still separated.  Michael has heard nothing from his wife, and has no idea where they may be.  His son is being a rock (Michael's words).  The story has become viral (2 Knoxville news stations,NBC Nightly News, CNN and others I don't know of) and thousands of people are now aware this family is separated.

Here in Cheyenne, my family is devastated.  My daughter is a mess, and cried throughout the day.  My wife has done the same.  Every post on Facebook receives immediate responses.  Our friends have adopted the Reed family as their own.  Our parents have done the same.  There is continual prayer.  In this midst of resigned helplessness, the words of encouragement and hope abound.  Words, they are making this easier, if that even makes sense.  Easier, because I see hope.  I see faith.  I see family.

Hope, it's how my Humpty shattered heart has been put back together.  Job 6:11 shows Job asking what strength he has to hope.  The book of Psalm is ripe with messages of hope.  But, it is in Ecclesiastes 9:4 that shows us, "Anyone living has hope..."  God is giving Michael hope, because he is alive.  There is a hope that his family will be reunited.  For me, hope is all I have, and yes, all I need.

Thank you, for your love, and your support.  On behalf of Michael, he thanks you as well.  God's family is amazing.